We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
