I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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