You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I need to calm my uterus...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
