she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
