i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
