you guys were way drunker than both of me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
