i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
