I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
