i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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