i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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