Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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