Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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