So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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