There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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