i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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