obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize