Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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