well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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