i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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