1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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