OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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