when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize