if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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