So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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