I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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