i think my mom watched the whole time
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
