i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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