cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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