I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
