I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
