real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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