We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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