my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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