How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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