Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
