its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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