i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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