If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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