I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize