dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
