i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
