I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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