So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
