What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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