Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
