i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize