i think my tv is drunk
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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