There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
