I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
