nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
