Can Purell be used as lube?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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