i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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