oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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