I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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