i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
