Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize