Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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