Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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