I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
