I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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