chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
