I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
