i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
