I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
