This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
