mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
