the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
