I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
