wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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